Happy lunch time Bloggers, and TGIF!! for real!
Talk about a emotional morning, ugh... Almost put Ms.Benz and I in the hospital. Started my day from the south side of Boston which driving to work from there means catching route 1. Now if you've ever been there you know this is no place for the faint of heart when it comes to driving. They are flat out crazy out there. Well as I'm cruising along out of no where BAM! I go into a spin and loose control of my car and go right up over the curb at IParty. I swear I saw my life flash before my eyes. In a matter of seconds I couldn't see where I was headed and it was over as fast as it started. It was really cold this morning but I really wasn't prepared for black ice so early in the season.. I'm fine physically and Ms.Benz needs a little work but she is going to be ok. However for some reason this shook me to the bone scared. I called my boyfriend sobbing so hard I couldn't hardly tell him what happened. I know I answered all the questions he asked me, but here it is 1:30pm the same day and I can honestly say I don't remember half of what was said. I remember him telling me to sit and collect myself for a few minutes and call him again when I leave, which I did and I'm glad for it because as I said I don't remember much more so I must have been shocked? maybe? Its weird.
The thing I'm hung up on the most has nothing to do with the spin out. All I keep thinking about is how I left his house this morning and for the first ever I felt like it was the right time, and I mustered up enough guts to whisper "I love you" to him. And only seconds later did I say "Good bye" two things I almost never say. I've learnt over the years that saying "I love you" takes a whole pile of guts to expose your feeling and let someone know they have the power to hurt you. And I've also learnt that Good Bye is almost always for good. So both I choose very wisely as to say or not say. And for some reason today I did. Now here is the even stranger part of this, not 10mins. before I lost control of my car did I have the exact same conversation with my daughter. I text her to make sure she was up, she didn't answer so on my ride to the office I called her. And as we hung up, I said "I love you, have a nice day, good bye" now I always say, see you later or call me when you get home. None of this of course crossed my mind until I was finally back on the road driving the rest of my way to the office. And all I could do was cry all over again. It kinda sucked being that scared, and it kinda still sucks. I don't like not being in control of my feelings.
I'm level headed enough to know that none of this would be an issue if I didn't have the spin out, but I did and some how it has really shaken up my feelings today.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you see someone just before they pass away? Or you feel like you should play the lottery and when you do you win? maybe not much, but you do win. It's just one of those funny gut feeling that something is going on. Do you know what I mean? Has that happened to you before?
There was one time we were on vaca in FL and my grandmother wanted to go to Daytona beach for the day.. and for some reason I flat out didnt want to. Like really really didnt want to and had no reason not to want to bc I LOVE the ocean. Well come to find out later that day there was a shark attack and a young girl died and another injured. I kept thinking that it could have been me! There have been more but as I type, a lil one with a fever is clung to her momma, so we are off to snuggle <3
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